he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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