So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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