I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
