Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
