she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
