worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I am naked and annoyed.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
