I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
