Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
