The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
