well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
