I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
