Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
