if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Randomize
