I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
