Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
