I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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