My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
