I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
