Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
