just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
