I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
