there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
