Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
