How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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