About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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