Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
