Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
