There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We need to get me chipped asap
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
