i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
