never play flip cup with pint glasses
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
