WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
youre lurking in front of me
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize
