So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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