I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She tied me up with her honor cords...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
