we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
