I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
