I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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