LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
