I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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