I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
