Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
