I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
