Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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