I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
