We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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