Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
