God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
This girl is more easily done than said...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
