Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
