I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You can't special order awesome
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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