He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
