She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
