I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
