I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
