Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
