i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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