At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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