What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
